Dial M for Moron

When we need new dental patients at school, we look through application forms that prospective patients fill out online.  Applicants can put either their phone number or email address on the form so we can contact them to schedule a screening exam. 

I went through several forms yesterday at school looking for new patients.  Some of them were automatically shoved into the "no" pile. (Seriously, if you want to be a patient at the school, why would you write "I am terrified of the dentist and have to be held down to get treatment"?)  Others I put into a "will call" pile. 

Most people, like myself, don't answer calls from unknown numbers, so I usually expect that I'll have to leave a message and then hear back later.  I left messages for about 10 patients yesterday afternoon, and got calls back from a few who made appointments.

Later that night, however, I got a strange call.

Me:  Hello?

Caller:  Hello.
Me:  Can I help you?

Caller:  Can I help you?  You called me.

Me:  (Suspecting this is a potential patient I had called) Oh, ok.  What's your name?

Caller:  (Indignant) What's your name?

Me:  (Now unsure if this is a potential patient I called or just a crazy person who dialed my number) I'm sorry...who is this?

Caller:  You call me!  What's your name?

Me:  (Laughing at the stupidity) Sir, I'm sorry, but I need to know you're name.

Caller:  (Angry) Why would I tell you my name?  You laugh at me!  What you try to do?  Sell me videos?

Me:  Ok, I think this must be a wrong number.  Bye bye.

Caller:  Yes, I think so. Bye.

Three minutes after I hung up the phone, I got a call from the same phone number.  I did not answer (fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me).  This was the message:

Caller:  Lauren?  Lauren...I'm sorry.  I'm sorry, Lauren.  Call me back.  I'll come see you at the dentist.

Number one, he still didn't tell me his name, so I don't know who he is (the number he called back on must have been different that the one he put on his form--believe me, I checked).  Number two, I don't have any appointments available for crazy patients.  I've already reached my quota on that one.

Excuses

Excuse me for not blogging for two weeks.  I have been very busy with the following:

1) Playing with all my Christmas presents. 

I got some really amazing presents this year, but I'm gonna have to keep you in suspense on what they are because I need my camera card to upload the photos and, well, I'm upstairs...the camera card is downstairs...it's just too much work.  (Speaking of playing with Christmas presents, though--one of my friends told me that her dad made a Christmas itinerary for the family on Excel.  The Christmas Day schedule had three hours blocked out for "playing with Christmas presents."  My friend asked her dad, "Do you think we're still 6 years old and getting Lego's for Christmas?!?  We don't need time to 'play' with sweaters, new underwear, and candy."  Her dad said they could stick to the schedule or leave, so they did their best to come up with games like 'I wonder who I'm gonna re-gift this to next year' and 'Who's gonna return this for store credit.') 

2) Consoling my dental school friends over failed attempts to take the National Board Exam.

Dental students have to take 2 written exams to be licensed by graduation.  Students take the first exam (covering basic sciences) after their second year of dental school, and the second exam (covering clinical knowledge) during their fourth year of dental school.  The exams are long and arduous, and must be taken at a Prometric testing center on a computer.  Part 2 of the exam is 500 questions long and spans two days of your life.  My test this year went fine, but several of my friends had technical difficulties during the test.  For example, one friend began taking the test and after 100 questions or so, when she got to the section that requires Xray interpretation, she realized that her computer wouldn't show any images.  It is very difficult to interpret Xrays when you can't see the Xrays.  The proctor told her she was welcome to complete the test without being able to see the images, or she could reschedule.  (She rescheduled...because option A really wasn't an option, was it?)  Later that month another friend was just finishing up her studying after 4 weeks of cramming for the exam when she got an email saying this:  "Due to technical difficulties, your test tomorrow morning has been cancelled.  Please call to reschedule."  Ouch.  The worst story is this one:  My friends Lacie and James took their tests on the same day.  Lacie had finished with 400 questions (the entire Day 1 series) and was just checking back over a few questions that she wanted to review when the entire computer system at Prometric crashed.  She and James waited for 2 hours only to find that all their answers had been wiped out and they would have to reschedule and take the entire test again.  Oh yeah, and during Lacie's retake the computers crashed again.  We're basically having to start a support group for students with Boards-related nervous breakdowns.

3) Saving lives.

While driving from Abilene to Fort Worth during the Christmas holiday, Jeffrey and I (and anyone else travelling on I-20 that day) came across a huge traffic accident on the highway.  An 18-wheeler had broken through the median and hit another 18-wheeler head-on, and 15 other cars were hit in the domino effect that ensued.  No, Jeffrey and I did not heroically run out of the car and give life-saving CPR to the victims.  In fact, we weren't even allowed near the accident--we, and every other car travelling that stretch of highway were diverted to a two lane, very slick from the rain, poorly paved road that would take us around the wreck and back to the highway.  It was there that we saw an SUV slide off the shoulder of the road, over correct, spin 180 degrees, and slam into a barbed wire fence and mesquite tree.  We turned our car around and really did start to review our CPR training in our heads as we expected the worst, but by the time we got to the car, the girl who had been driving was already getting out and cursing about the damage to her car (not a nice thing to do, but a sign that her brain and vital organs were probably still intact).  We had her wait in our car with us for the police since it was raining, so I guess we didn't save a life, but we did save her from catching her death of cold, which is almost just as good.

4) Catching up on my TV shows.

I probably didn't need to catch up on my TV shows because I mostly can tell you what's going on without looking.  The Real Housewives of any given county are still not getting along.  The Teen Moms are still unsuccessfully trying to hold together family units made up of a cute baby, a hard working but inexperienced teenage mom, and a completely worthless, unshaven and unemployed baby daddy.  (But I went ahead and watched them anyway.)

5) Oh yeah, I have school.

I almost forgot about it during my long Christmas break, but school didn't forget about me.  The final countdown has begun.  I started the first day of my last semester (EVER?!) of school on January 2nd, and I've been fighting a bad case of senioritis every day since.  And so resumes the blogging...

Mary Christmas

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Jeffrey and I were woken up last night/this morning not by reindeer on the roof, but by the sound of multiple text messages from Tommy.

4:05 am--Wake up christmas

5:05 am--Wake up christmas

5:08 am--Wake up mary cristmas

5:26 am--Wake up for christmas

5:36 am--Come here now mary christmas

It's 9:07 am now....if you haven't opened your gifts yet, what are you waiting for mary christmas?  Get up and get to it mary christmas!

Written by Lauren

Bed, Bath, and Beyond All Understanding

Let me give you a short history lesson...

Once upon a time, my brother dated a girl named Shmaitlin*.  He and Shmaitlin dated during high school, but broke up shortly after going to different cities for college.  As far as we knew, the break up was as amicable as a break up can be. 

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent...and guilty.

Since then, Greg has gone on to date a few other girls, find the one he wanted to marry, marry Courtney, and generally move on with his life.  Shmaitlin, apparently, has not moved on.  Greg and Courtney arrived upon this information at the most curious of settings:  Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

Greg and Courtney stopped by BBB (as my mom and I call it, because we go there so often we're on a first-name acronym basis) to pick up a Christmas gift last week, and while browsing the aisles of cups, napkin rings, and coffee makers, Greg caught a glimpse of Shmaitlin.  He politely waved and said hello, and then moved to the next aisle.

On the next aisle, a boy he'd never seen before walked up to him, held out his hand for a handshake, and said, "Hi, I'm Shmevan, and I just wanted to meet the d*&%#$bag that made the biggest mistake of his life letting Shmaitlin go."

Greg, having shook his hand as a reflex, and now being locked into a conversation with this strange beginning, said with uncertainty, "You're welcome?"  (Because after all, if Greg hadn't broken up with Shmaitlin, Shmevan wouldn't be with her now, so Greg was hoping this was some ill-timed thank you.  It was not.)

No sooner had he said 'you're welcome' than Shmevan used the hand still locked in a handshake to wrench Greg toward him and grabbed his neck with his other hand.  Shmevan growled, "I think we need to go outside and talk about how you treated my girl."

(As an aside, when relating this story to us, Greg had to stop here because we all began to offer our suggestions as to what he should have said in response.  I said Greg should have leaned forward and whispered, "Dude, Santa is watching!"  Jeffrey said, "Greg, you should've dropped your BBB purchases on his toe and then made a run for it.  You might not be the biggest guy, but you can run a lot longer than most people.  My grandpa said he would have just taken him outside.)

Without our suggestions, though, Greg had to handle the conflict himself, so he just said, "Shmevan, I'm here to buy a Christmas present, and that's not really how I handle things."

Shmevan tried a couple more times, unsuccessfully, to get Greg to go outside and fist fight over done-her-wrongs from 4 years ago, but to no avail.  My brother is a rock.

And Shmevan, if you're reading this, the Oglesby family now packs heat every time they go to bath accessory stores.  Buyer beware.

Written by Lauren 

Family Follies

It's holiday time, which means lots of time with family and, naturally, lots of laughs (especially if you're related to the sort of people I'm related to).  Two of my favorites so far:

On Saturday night, Jeffrey and I attended the wedding of my cousin, Jay Tindol.  The wedding took place at the Chapel on the Hill at ACU, and everything was beautiful.  The groom's brother (another one of my cousins, Tyson) was the best man.  Tyson is about six feet, five inches and probably still growing.  I'm sure they had a time finding a pair of tuxedo pants in size 32 x 44. 

My dad performed the ceremony and did a really wonderful job, but unfortunately his performance was overshadowed when Tyson began to weave back and forth on his feet during the ceremony.  Luckily, the groomsman behind him noticed the unsteadiness, so by the time Tyson actually fainted, the groomsman had a firm hold on both his arms from behind.

The good news was that the groomsmen were safe from the awful fate that dominoes endure when lined up in a row and one domino tips over.  The bad news was that tough the "catcher groomsman" had a good hold on Tyson's arms, he couldn't really move the NBA-sized unconscious boy anywhere, so they just stood there for 5 uncomfortable seconds looking like a poorly-drawn teepee while the audience awkwardly giggled.

Finally, another groomsman stepped up and grabbed Tyson's top half, and at the same time Jay (the groom) scooped up Tyson's legs and the three of them carried Tyson down the stairs and to the floor in front of the first row.  By this time, Tyson had begun to regain consciousness.  Minutes later, the crowd clapped for him as he jumped (in one long-legged bound) back to the stage and his place to the groom's right just in time for the recessional.

After the wedding, Jeffrey and I drove over to Sharon Allen's BBQ to eat dinner with Jeffrey's mom's side of the family.  At one point, Jeffrey got up to use the restroom, and (monkey see, monkey do) his brother Tommy soon followed.  When Jeffrey got back he wondered aloud, "I hope Tom remembered to lock the door to the bathroom...it's just a one room/one toilet situation over there."

No sooner had he uttered this when Tom came back.  Darren asked Tom if he had remembered to lock the door.

He responded (without a hint of embarrassment), "No, but somebody came in and then locked it for me."

What a holiday surprise for that poor, poor patron!

Written by Lauren