Lookin' for Teeth in All the Wrong Places

When normal people go to school, they have to buy books and binders from the bookstore. When dental students go to school, they have to find real (human) teeth to bring to class to use in the practice labs. You hope to find teeth that are in good condition, but most people don't have their teeth pulled if they are in good condition, so you take what you can get. My uncle has provided me with quite a few teeth (he's a dentist, by the way, for those who don't know--I didn't want you to think he was just some creep who had lots of human teeth lying around), and another oral surgeon in my hometown has done the same, but I still need more for my little shop of horrors.

Today, I decided, would be the day that I would go a-hunting teeth. Armed with only the 900 pages of the big yellow San Antonio phone book, I set out to find dentists. I went down the three flights of stairs of the apartment to get into my car, and then realized that Jeffrey was driving my car today, and I needed to go back up the stairs to get my copy of the key to his truck. I walked back up three flights of stairs and as I was unlocking my door I thought to myself, "I should really put his key in my purse so that I always have it when I need it."

And then I realized that not only had I thought that EXACT same thing before, but I had followed through on my plan, and the key was, indeed, already in my purse. And so my purse, the key, and I took our 3rd trip in 5 minutes on the 3 flights of stairs and got into the truck.

I pulled up to the first dental office, and had to step on exposed rebar to reach the "office" which looked much more like an unfinished building than a dental office. I asked one of the friendly workers where the dental office was, and he laughed at me, and told me that this was the old office and gave me a map to the new one. My 900 page yellow book had already let me down--it had the wrong address.

I followed the construction worker's directions, which led me to the new office, only to find the office closed. The sign on the door said, "Sorry, the dental office is now closed, but feel free to call Dr. J if you need him." (That's a verbatim rendition of the sign--even the "Dr. J" part--I'm not abbreviating for anonymity.)

Call me snobby, but I left and I don't intend on going back. No self-respecting dental professional goes by the same nickname as a pro basketball player.

Next I stumbled all around San Antonio looking for the second location I had on my list, and it was only after about 207 wrong turns that I remembered I had our GPS system with me and could have been using it the whole time. Brilliant.

With the help of the GPS I found the second location, and with the help of my good sense I decided not to go inside the office. The building looked as if it would fall down at any second, and I was a little wary of the neighborhood I was in. It was in such a state of disrepair that I thought going inside might result in a shootout since I was not wearing neutral gang colors.

Very frustrated now, I turned the car back on and headed to my final destination. One of my little glass "tooth holder jars" had been bothering me by rolling around on the floor, so I put it in my lap and parked at the last place. Then I got out of the car and, forgetting about the glass jar, watched it shatter on the parking lot. I took my spare jar inside and asked the receptionist if they wouldn't mind collecting extracted teeth for me. She looked at the medium-sized jar and said, "Sure, but we'll fill that up in less than a week."

And the angels sang, "Ha--llelujah! Ha--llelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!"

As I was walking out, a patient in the waiting room who had heard my strange request said, "Eww, that's weird, man." But all's well that ends well.

Finally, today I send my little baby gifts to my friends who are expecting, so Elena and Cherry, don't look at these pictures unless you want your surprise to be ruined!






Some burp rags for baby boy Coggin, and the tiniest little baby booties that I knitted for Cherry's baby. I can't believe that a whole baby foot and five toes will fit into something that only two of my fingers can fit into!