Thanks a Pot

Last week I extracted teeth at the county clinic downtown, and I found an unexpected laugh when I visited one of the patient bathrooms.

I was so caught off guard by the hilarity of this bathroom graffiti on the wall of my stall that I forgot to take a picture, but I promise this is the verbatim representation of the scrawl on the wall:

Dear Carelink-

Thank you so much for your services. Without your help, many of us would not be able to see doctors.

(Just for clarification, Carelink is the free health insurance for people with low income.)

Beneath this note was a response:

Dear Carelink people-

You should thank the taxpayers, we're the ones who pay for your insurance.

O.M.G.--smackdown in stall #2!

This bathroom graffiti is ridiculous for two reasons: #1--The person who wrote the thank you note was being extremely thoughtful in expressing her gratitude, but why say it in the bathroom where no Carelink executive would ever read it? Why not say it in the form of a note or a thank you in person at the Carelink office, which is literally 10 feet away from the Carelink office at the hospital. #2--The same indignant taxpayer who dissed the first remark marred public property with her retort. Wanna know who pays for maintenance (like painting bathroom stalls) of state property?

Taxpayers.

Just for kicks, here are a few pictures of other ridiculous bathroom graffiti quotes...

Down with the Sickness

Usually when I wake up before my alarm goes off it's because Dixie is yawning loudly in an attempt to wake me up early for playtime. This morning I woke up before my alarm by cramping in my intestines. Uh oh.

15 trips to the bathroom later, I emailed my teacher to let him know I wouldn't be at school today.

15 trips to the bathroom later, I felt a little better and decided to get ready for school and go up there.

1 very bad trip to the bathroom later, I solidly decided not to go to school today.

I think it must have been something I ate yesterday because I didn't have a fever or anything else, but I certainly looked green in the face for most of the day. Wanna take bets on what food is the culprit?

Breakfast: coffee
Lunch: Chicago hot dog from Sonic
Dinner: Homemade veggie burritos and homemade salsa
Bedtime snack: Miniature Heath bars (I'm not telling you how many...embarrassing!)

Yeah, our vote is on the Chicago dog. Which is very sad because I LOVE hot dogs and I love the poppy seed bun. But seriously, I'm never eating it again.

Now there are four items on my "can't ever eat it again" list...and TWO of them are from Sonic! So sad.

Item #1--Sixlets

These are gross anyway, and I don't know who thought it would be a good idea to let me (age 8, on a winding road in Colorado, with a major history of carsickness) eat them at a rest stop. There's just something about the image of rainbow colored barf that stays with you.

Item #2--Funnel Cake

Not quite as sweet when it comes back up. Enough said.

Item #3--Cherry limeade

For some reason in college I decided to only have a Route 44 sized cherry limeade for dinner one night. The next morning I was supposed to go on a road trip, but I felt really sick. My roommate, Jana, asked if I wanted to be driven over to my parents house for the duration of the tummy aching. I thought I could make it over there. As it turns out, I could not. As she pulled into my parent's cul-de-sac, I rolled her car window down and barfed (while the car was still heading into the driveway). Considerate of me, I think, to spare her car's interior.

Item #4--Chicago dog

Bye-bye, poppy seed bun. After today, we are friends no more.

As We Know It

So the world is supposed to end today, according to some crazies on the Internet. It's 9:15 pm right now, so there's only 2 hours and 45 minutes left for the world to burn, assuming that our Apocalypse is tuned to central standard time.

(It's worth noting that May 21st has already come and gone in Japan, and last I heard, those guys are still alive and kicking. I don't really mean the "and kicking" part to be a stereotypical reference to Asians and martial arts, but if the idiom fits, wear it, you know?)

Nevertheless, people are still proclaiming that the world will end today.

Clearly my girl Britney Spears has been poring over the book of Revelation because her appropriately titled (Keep on Dancin' til the World Ends) hit is a red letter warning in the form of a sick hip hop beat.
There's a more obvious warning sign in the form of, well, a sign in San Antonio. This billboard begs you to "save the date."

I'm thinking of hiring one of our local graffiti artists to spray "Gotcha!" all over that billboard after midnight tonight.

If the world is ending today, you should hurry up and check out my brother's blog.
http://redpowernaps.blogspot.com/
It's pretty funny. Maybe funnier than mine. But there are fewer pictures of cakes and baby clothes. There's always a trade off.

And if the world doesn't end tonight, well, check out his website at your leisure.

Somebody's goin' to emergency...

Summer has officially started. What does that mean? It means I'm already back at school.

WHAT?!?!

Our school curriculum requires, among other things, that we choose a 2 week selective to complete during our summer break. I'm a little offended at the name "selective," mostly because I don't think selective is a real word. I do appreciate that they didn't call it an "elective" because no one would "elect" to do extra work in the summer, but then again, making up a nicer word doesn't make the pain go away. Just like calling pain "discomfort" at the dental office doesn't make it hurt less.

Anyway, I "selected/elected" to do a rotation in oral surgery. I used to like oral surgery, or at least I used to before the last three days.

Day 1--My patient had a 5 alarm, flopping around in the chair like a fish, oxygen tank requiring, panic attack. What horrible thing did I do to him to make him have this amount of anxiety? Put on topical anesthetic. For those of you who haven't been tortured through 3 years of dental school, let me explain what that is...topical anesthetic is that numbing gel that the dentist puts on with a Q-tip before giving an injection. Essentially, my patient is so afraid of dentists that Q-tips put raise his blood pressure so high that he requires medical assistance.

Day 2--My patient whined through her entire extraction of a tooth that was so loose she could have taken it out herself with a strong sneeze. Then she asked for a trash can and as I held it over toward her, she threw up in it. Vomit was approximately 1 inch from my fingers.

Day 3--94 year old wheels into my operatory in a wheelchair carrying a bad of at least 4000 medications. Considering my record of medical emergencies this week, I almost started hyperventilating when I saw how many complications awaited this patient. Luckily, I was bailed out because the man takes blood thinners and we couldn't work on him until he takes a few days off from his blood thinning meds. Phew!