South for the Winter

With the temperature hovering around 105 degrees every day in San Antonio, my school decided to send me further South for the Winter...er...Summer for a South Texas rotation. My assigned clinic is in Harlingen, Texas.

On this map, they've tried to hide the fact that Harlingen is about 5 steps away from the drug wars of Mexico by pretending Texas is bordered on the South by ocean. (It's not.) Never mind the fact that our school made us sign an oath saying that we wouldn't cross the border due to "dangers" on the other side. Do you think they made the drug lords of Mexico do the same?!?

Anyway, the accommodations here are about what you'd expect--run down, paper thin walls, a BYOTP (Bring Your Own Toilet Paper) establishment, and not a decoration in sight, except for the framed "Rules and Regulations" papers from apartment administration.

And here's where the fun begins...

The following are quotes from the apartment's framed rules:

The gate will automatically open Monday - Friday at 5:00 pm. And close for the evening at 7:00 pm. The gate will be close on the weekends.

(The gate is going to be close on the weekends? Close to what?)

Regarding the pool: No profanity, loud music, or Excessive Noise.

(When did the word "excessive" or "noise" become a proper noun deserving capitalization?)

The swimming pool is for tenants and two (2) guests per apartment only. I understand that we all have company from time to time and the numbers may exceed this amount. However 2, 3, 4, kids and "Aunt Sue" who does not live here is considered breaking the rules.

(Take that, Aunt Sue. Busted!)

If you walk your dog at the park. The dog needs to be on a leach.

(I'm going to leave that prepositional phrase as an independent sentence alone for now, but seriously, a leach? A dog wouldn't even fit on a leech. That's just silly.)

Regarding window coverings: You can put up curtains if you wish. No foil paper on windows allowed.

(This rule was listed in two different sections. Apparently they've had problems in the past. Just another way The Man keeps our creative ideas for window dressings squelched.)

Garbage bends are located thru-out the property. Please deposit your garbage in the bends.

(Garbage bend: Not to be confused with a back bend.)