Swimsuit Yourself

Last weekend I went on Mission Impossible IV:  The Search for a Post-Baby Swimsuit.  (Let's just say I'll only be using stock photos in this post...that ought to hint at how well it went.)

I should've known the trip was doomed from the start when I got to the mall and realized that I had the baby but not the stroller.  Mom fail!  Since I was only looking fro swimsuits for Carter and myself, I thought it would be quick and made the decision just to hold Carter rather than go back to the house for the stroller.  Spoiler alert:  18 pounds of infant gets really heavy after half an hour, especially when about 16 of those pounds are leaning directly away from you and trying to touch every clothing rack, jewelry display, and "Sale" sign in the place.  By the time I got back to the car my arms were so tired I had to ask Google maps to route a way home involving no turns since I didn't have the strength to move the steering wheel.

Anyway, I looked at suits at Dillard's and couldn't find anything in my preferred price range (0-$5).  Apparently Dillard's is only buying suits made of exotic, expensive, and extra-special lycra.  And they have the price tags to prove it.  No worries--I hoisted Carter a little higher on my hip and we moved on to JC Penney. 

By this point in the excursion I'd realized another grave error in judgement:  I wore new shoes.  My cute little ballet flats had been rubbing a little on my heels during the day, but after traipsing through the mall for a while, it was really getting painful.  Bravely, I soldiered on in the name of fashion.

In case you didn't know, JCPenney has been doing a major renovation of its stores and the changes look great.  They've re-done their flooring, amped up their advertising, cleaned up their stores (as in, swept up all the cricket legs that had been decomposing there since 1980), and improved the quality of the clothing they buy.  Basically what I'm saying is:  "Great job, JCP!"

Except they forgot one key demographic.

There is always a disparity in stores between number of baby girl clothes and number of baby boy clothes.  It's generally about 3:1 or 4:1, and you know what?  Most of us "boy-moms" have made our peace with that.  Let's be honest, there are just more options for girls with all their ruffles and bows and glitter and ribbons and sequins and pearls...but there are only so many ways you can sew a car applique onto a red shirt, and only a few ways to put pockets on cargo pants.  So we deal with the inequality.  But what JCP did to us?  We just can't stand by and say nothing.

I knew something was wrong when I couldn't even locate the boys' 0-24 month swimsuits.  The girls' 0-24 month swimsuits were proudly shown spanning 4 separate racks.  After an intensive search I finally located the boys' rack boys' swimsuits single, lonely option for infant boys.  That's right, JCP only carries one swimsuit option for boys aged 0 to 2.  And it's not even that cute.

Defeated, I hoisted Carter up one more time on my hip and limped back to my car in my uncomfortable shoes that had now eaten a significant portion of my heels. 

Hey, JCP--great job on the business model overhaul.  Love the new look, love the new feel, but your buyers might want to reconsider something.  About 50% of all babies are BOYS...so could we maybe have 25% of the selection that the girls have?  We like swimming, too.

PS--I would really, really like to figure out how to do a picture like this with Carter, but I feel very scared he and/or I might drown in the process.  So I'm thinking we'll stick with the stock photo thing we have going.