In Memoriam: For Ben and Bobby

Two of my friends passed away in the last two weeks. Both were sweet guys, eager to please with quick smiles. They both were about my age, and thus were far too young to have been captured by Death’s wandering eyes. And yet, and yet…

they have gone.

Those of us here are left to wonder why. Why now? Why them? Why?

Questions without answers.

No one ever knows what to say to the grief-stricken ones who are left behind. Some visit the mourners and try to tell them how they should feel. They remind the grievers not to be sad, remind them that we will see the dead when we all rise again, remind them that the ones who have gone are with God now. And while these are all sweet sentiments, they all fall harshly on the ears of a tearful widow or widower or parent or spouse or child who has lost the one they loved so fiercely. A cacophonous racket of good wishes collide with the grievers’ own wishes just to have one more conversation, one more hug, one more of everything…

I am neither a grief counselor nor a professional. I have not read books on the subject and I do not claim to have any expertise in caring for those who are hurting. I do know what it feels like to hurt, and I know that sometimes the most comforting words are no words at all. Just a hug. Just a phone call. Just an “I’m sorry.” Just a prayer.

I’m too far away to hug Ben’s hurting family, so instead I will send them some words written by Lord Tennyson. He wrote a book of poems (In Memoriam) after the death of his best friend. Hopefully the words from one griever to another will somehow strike a healing chord in the hearts of the broken…

A prayer:

“Forgive my grief for one removed,
Thy creature, whom I found so fair.
I trust he lives in Thee, and there
I find him worthier to be loved."