Pep Talk, Strep Talk

I haven't blogged much lately beyond the usual mommy posts (obsessively detailing and doting on my child's every move), and it's for a great reason:  Life is good.

Remember how in the movie Mean Girls (don't pretend you didn't watch it 5 or 6 times in college...and maybe last weekend on E!) all the drama happens and it's very exciting, but then at the end they talk about how everything's worked itself out and they can just float?  Well, I'm floating.  I love my husband.  I love my son.  I love my church.  I love my job.  I love my friends.  I love my family.  Float...

Now, in case those last two paragraphs made you green with envy, let me also tell you this:  everything in my life isn't rainbows and kisses.  This year I seem to have become suddenly susceptible to every illness swirling in this West Texas air.  In 2013 I have had the flu, a stomach bug that made me seriously consider never eating again, a possible fractured rib, a dented right big toe nail (bathroom drawer v. big toe), a cold that lasted for 2 agonizing weeks, and most recently Strep throat.

Incidentally, due to all of these illnesses I asked my husband, the physician, if there could be something terribly wrong with my previously functional immune system (like an autoimmune disease...or AIDS), and he diagnosed me with something else! 

Hypochondria.

Anyway, as a part of my journey back toward health, this weekend I took a trip to my friendly Walgreens store to pick up some meds.  I reluctantly purchased some cough drops to soothe my aching throat.  I say reluctantly because I really don't like cough drops.  Mostly because they taste like earwax.

Little did I know the surprise I would find inside (besides the fact that advertising them as "warm apple cider" flavor was an example of grossly false advertising)--each cough drop came wrapped in a little paper covered in motivational phrases.  "A pep talk in every drop," they say.  Here are some examples of the sayings found on the wrappers:

Halls, I'm sorry, but when I'm debating between drooling and swallowing my own spit (because swallowing creates a pain in my tonsils that makes me wince as if someone's hit me), I don't really want to hear about keeping my chin up.  In fact, keeping my chin up hurts my swollen, painful lymph nodes.  But I'm not a mindless complainer!  Here are my suggestions for what you could put on your cough drops instead:

"Being sick sucks."
"At least you're not at work."
"How can such a small person produce so much mucous?! You're a marvel."
"You'll probably feel better tomorrow--I don't think it can get worse than today."
"Allergies are stupid."

You're welcome, Halls.

P. S.  Please make the apple cider cough drops taste like apples.  Or cider.  Or anything but what they taste like now.  Thank you.