Tuesday, November 30, 2010

W, X, Why, and Z

This is Clayton. Sometimes he gets tired at school and has to take a nap in the dental chair, but those pesky overhead fluorescent lights are always getting in his eyes. Solution? Dental bib + safety glasses. Problem solving--that's why they pay us the big bucks.

I have a funny story to tell about Clayton...I hope he doesn't mind!

Clayton's denture patient speaks Spanish and English, but understands Spanish better. Clayton has been studying his Spanish so that he can talk to his patient in a more comfortable way, which is very considerate. The patient is also hard of hearing, so Clayton has to speak very loudly.

One day a few weeks ago, we heard Clayton loudly telling his patient, "Igreiega! A la igriega!" Later he said to us, "My patient had such a hard time getting back out to the waiting room--I kept telling him "igriega" but he wouldn't turn left."

I said, "Clayton, 'igriega' doesn't mean left; izquierda means left."

We decided that since Clayton had said "igriega" about 40 times to his patient, we should find out what it means. We brought in our bilingual faculty member, Dr. Vargas. Then we really got lost in translation.

Me: Dr. Vargas, que significa 'igriega'? (What does igriega mean?)
Dr. Vargas: Why?
Me: Because Clayton kept telling his patient to go left, but instead of saying 'izquierda' he was saying 'igriega,' so what does that mean?
Dr. Vargas: Why?
Me: (Thought I just told her why...) We just want to know what Clayton was saying to his patient instead of left. What does it mean?
Dr. Vargas: It means 'Y'--the letter Y.
Me: Oh...now I'm with you.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Dog Whisperer

You know those annoying people who have bumper stickers like this: Well, I'm about to become one of them. I need one of those bumper stickers that says, "My rescue mutt is smarter than your honor student." Or maybe I'm just really good at dog training. I might be the next dog whisperer. The proof is in the pudding. Look how well I taught my Dixie dog to play dead after I shoot her (apologies for the awful camera phone quality of the video)...

**No animals were harmed in the making of this film.
You think it's a sign of poor training that it took four "bangs" to get Dixie to play dead? Consider this: I told Dixie that I've had no training in marksmanship, and my gun shoots tranquilizing darts instead of bullets. How smart is she to realize that I missed the first two times and factor in the time it takes for sedatives to take effect.

I am the dog whisperer. I train dogs faster than a speeding bullet...or tranquilizer dart.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Knick Knack, Paddy Whack...

When we take our Dixie dog over to my friend Clayton's house to play with his dog, Radar, Dixie always tries to take Radar's bones. We finally decided that we should just buy Dixie some bones of her own to have at the house. Clayton told us that he gets real bones for Radar at a feed store nearby. We happened to be at Walmart this weekend, though, and we found that they sell real pig femurs on the pet supply aisles. (As if we needed anymore proof that Walmart literally sells everything...)

We bought Dixie the 1 pound bone and brought it home. She immediately pranced over to her little blanket and started to gnaw on it. We were decorating the house for Christmas, so we didn't realize until a few hours later that she had already eaten about half of the bone.

Two hours after that, she threw up. Once. Twice. Thrice.

Here's a new nursery rhyme: Knick knack, paddy whack, give the dog a bone. Watch her barf all over your home.

Luckily she's learned her lesson. The remaining bone has been chewed with fervor in 5 minute increments.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Guest What?

I love having company...but does company love having me?

Hopefully now they will. Check out the new amenities at Hotel de Edwards:
Just an ordinary dresser...

...or is it?
What's this? A special guest drawer?

No, two of them!
What's inside?

Snacks and toiletries?!?! Aww...staying at the Edwards' is so much fun!

(Who wants to come visit us now?)

A Great Loss

Last Monday, my 87-year-old Great Uncle John didn't wake up in the morning. When his wife awoke and found him unresponsive, she immediately called 911, but Uncle John had already quietly passed on from this life.

I've spent some time every day in the 10 days since his passing trying to decide what to write on the blog about this man's life and death (not so much for the readers, but for myself and in honor of Uncle John), but I simply can't find all the words. I think the speakers at the funeral had a difficult time finding the right words to honor this man, too. The eulogy provided a litany of good acts and successes that Dr. John had accomplished in his lifetime, but somehow all those lists fell short of describing the incredible impact this man had on the world.

His obituary can be found here, and if you ever need some inspiration to go out into the world and make a difference, read about my Uncle John's life.

Here's my list for Uncle John:

He was a husband of 63 years (he really meant it when he said "'til death do us part")

He built a hospital in Zambia, Africa; brick, by brick, by brick.

He always had time for you.

He adored his family.

He loved the Lord (and proved it).

He had the patience of Job, the heart of David, and the courage of Joseph.

He was a dentist that truly cared about every patient in his practice, and his patients loved him for it.

He was a great encourager.

He wasn't afraid to tell you that he loved you, or afraid to correct you or provide you with gentle instruction.

Throughout his funeral service and at the graveside, the line from Hamlet kept circling through my mind: "Goodnight, sweet prince; and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest."

Uncle John was a prince, deserving of all the reward he will find in Heaven.