Monday, October 31, 2011

Happy Halloween!

In honor of Halloween, I've decided to tell you a scary story. 

Once upon a time there were some people who went trick or treating year after year and ate loads of candy but never, ever brushed their teeth. 
The evil Cavity Fairy visited these people and decayed all their teeth. 
Luckily, these people knew a dental student named Lauren.  Sadly, though, it was too late, and even a prince's kiss couldn't bring these sleeping stinking beauties back to life.  So Lauren had to pull them all out.  Muah-ha-ha-ha! 
And now she has a scary collection of fangs to show on her blog on Halloween to remind everyone to enjoy their candy, then BRUSH THEIR FANGS!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Pumkins and Lentils

It's officially Fall (although you can't tell by the weather outside).  We differentiate between the seasons here by putting up different paintings over the mantle to show that there has been a change, despite the persistent high of ninety degrees in South Texas.

This time I decided to rip off an idea from a Southern Living magazine.

My rendition:

Jeffrey thinks it looks a little like the Canadian flag, and has been known to salute it while singing "Oh, Canada."  The artist in me does NOT appreciate this type of standing ovation for my efforts.

But paintings aren't the only way I've been celebrating Fall.  There have also been pumpkins.

My friend Amanda started a craft night once a month for some friends who live in San Antonio.  This month's craft was, of course, carving pumpkins.  Amanda always decorates beautifully for any party that she throws, and this one was no different.  There was even a doormat that senses when someone arrives and invites them to "enter if they dare" complete with scary vampire laughter!

Usually Jeffrey and I aren't much for nicknames, but I guess all this Fall spirit has gotten to me, because yesterday I suddenly found myself calling Jeffrey "pumpkin."  He, being a warm-blooded American male, did not care for this nickname, but instead of just asking me to stop, he decided to get even.

I have since been referred to as his little squash, cucumber, green bean, and (my personal favorite) lentil.

Now at night it sounds like this at our house:

Lauren:  Goodnight, my little pumpkin.  I love you.
Jeffrey:  Goodnight, lentil.  I love you.
Together:  Goodnight, Dixie, our little turnip.
Lauren:  [uncontrollable giggles]

Monday, October 10, 2011

Strike Two

As you avid blog readers will remember, I have blogged before about arguments that ensue when Jeffrey and I watch baseball games together. (And yet it keeps happening!)

The last one was about the appropriateness of the phrase "no hitter" to describe a baseball game in which people can hit the ball or be walked, but cannot earn a base by hitting. I said this should be called a "no base-r." Jeffrey said I should be called a "no brainer."

Most recently I had to got to watch eleven innings of Ranger's baseball with Jeffrey, during which time a discussion about intentional walks came up. Jeffrey tells me I need to set the scene, so here it is:

In extra innings, the Rangers have two outs and just walked a batter to first. The runner on first was a threat to steal second because the pitcher has a slow delivery. (Are any women still reading this at this point?) The commentator said that if the runner did indeed steal second base, it would be a smart strategy to intentionally walk the current batter so that following his walk to first there would be three opportunities for forced outs when the next batter came to the plate (first, second, or third base).

At this comment, I said, "That's lame baseball."

Jeffrey: "That's smart baseball."

Lauren: "It might be a smart strategy, but it's lame. Just because someone's good doesn't mean you should completely take them out of the game."

Jeffrey: "It's just the same as playing a box and one in basketball (ladies, that's when you play zone defense with four people and guard the best player man-to-man) and nobody calls that lame."

Lauren: "That's because it's not the same as a box and one. It's the same as a box and one player tackles your best player on the sidelines and holds him down for the remainder of the play."

Jeffrey: "That's illegal."

Lauren: "I know. And it should be. So should intentionally walking someone in baseball. The bottom line is, baseball is supposed to be entertaining, and watching someone play catch 6 feet out of the strike zone and a big hitter mosey from the batter's box to first base is not entertaining."

Jeffrey: "Besides the fact that it happens less than 5% of the time in each year, it is entertaining to watch your team win, and by winning each team gets more money, so it is to the team's (and therefore the fan's) advantage to win. Furthermore, it's not like it doesn't have it's risks. Walking someone means you have another body on base, so another potential for a score. In addition, using this strategy to create more wins allows general managers more latitude in creating teams filled with all stars, rather than a team with one great player who will often be intentionally walked in these situations."

Lauren: [Having started to watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey sometime around where Jeffrey said "Furthermore..."] "It's lame baseball."

It's 0 and 2 on our marriage + baseball pitch count--it seems we're only one strike away from a lonely walk back to the dugout (single life), so I'm afraid that the next time Jeffrey decides to turn on the Rangers, I might just have to intentionally walk myself to the mall.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Duly Noted

I like notes.

I don't like them as much as 7th grade girls like them, but I like them. (Speaking of, I recently dug through some of my old notes from junior high and high school that I saved...I learned the following:

#1--We did NOT have enough busy work in class. I could give War and Peace a run for its money on length if I combined all my old notes; although, the content and vocabulary would perhaps not be as lofty. Perhaps.
#2--I had not outgrown coloring at age 18. Very embarrassing.
#3--I have amnesia. I guess we wrote in code to protect against the minority of teachers who paid attention to note passing and would take up and read these literary gems. I saved some of my notes that I felt were "special," but now I can't remember any of the codes we used. I'm old.

For those keeping count, this is the longest bit of writing I've ever put in parenthesis.....and, scene.)

Anyway, I found a new fun website where people post pictures of funny notes they find. A few examples, for your viewing pleasure:

Obviously, my favorites are the notes in response to notes. It's non-confrontationalism (might have just made up that word) at its finest!

All these notes remind me of a little joke my dad and I played while I was in college. There was a bathroom near his office at school that had two entrances/exits. One day, there was a sign on the door that said, "Please use other door," and had an arrow pointing to the right. We thought it would be funny to put an identical sign on the other door with the arrow pointing to the left...back toward the other sign. And it was funny. Hilarious, in fact, to us as we watched people pace back and forth between the doors doing the potty dance.

You think we're mean for doing that? Noted.