Monday, February 21, 2011


There is nothing sadder than an abandoned blog. (Except, perhaps, this picture of an abandoned house, which was one of the google image search results for "abandon.")

I will not abandon this blog. I imagine it living a long and happy life with me. Even to that ripe old age when the only things I will have to blog about are the current maladies that have befallen my creaky joints.

This blog has not been abandoned. Sometimes I don't write for a while because I don't have any stories to tell. Sometimes I don't write for a while because all my stories are boring or not funny. For example, if I wrote a blog about today, it would say this:

Hi, blog readers. Today I did a filling in the morning, ate a wholesome lunch of graham cracker goldfish, pudding, and applesauce, and then I did another filling in the afternoon.

Now, aren't you glad I didn't really write a post today?

But seriously, folks, I have so many good stories to tell. Have I told you the one about the rodeo? Or the arrested dental patient? Or cake decorating class parts I and II?

No. Not yet. But I will. Just have to finish studying for my test tomorrow, then we'll move on to more important things. Like blogs. And fillings.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

4th grade or 3rd year?

Last night Jeffrey and I yelled at each other quite a bit. Not because we were mad, just because that's how married people who live in a two-story house talk.



He then replied, "WHY ARE YOU A FOURTH GRADER?"

I said, "WHAT?"

At this point we both walked to the stairs because the yelling was getting ridiculous.

Jeffrey: "The only things in the front pocket of your backpack are sunglasses, markers, and Hershey's kiss wrappers. Why are you a fourth grader?"

Lauren: "Wrong pocket. Look in the front pocket, not the tiny mesh pocket. And regarding the fourth grader comment--I am rubber you are glue, whatever you call me bounces off and sticks to you."

Since we had our little yelling match turned stairway rendezvous, I can't stop thinking of the many similarities between me and the fourth grade version of myself. Examples:
My lunch often consists of applesauce, animal crackers, and string cheese.

I still say "cutter cutter peanut butter" when someone jumps ahead in line.

I like markers more than pens.

I write in cursive all the time. (Technically, this one's not my fault. My fourth grade teacher repeatedly told us "in fifth grade your teachers will ONLY let you write in cursive." Being the sweet little submissive girl that I was/am, I acquiesced, only to find out that all the teachers in fifth grade preferred printing. Too late, I was hooked on cursive--but never on phonics.)

The laces on my tennis shoes constantly come untied.

I eat lucky charms and smores pop tarts for breakfast. (Not at the same time. Can you say diabetes?)

Favorite movies I've seen recently? Despicable Me and How to Train your Dragon. Both cartoons.

So maybe I'm not quite as grown up as I appear to be. Apparently 20 years of formal education doesn't quite train the kid out of you. Or teach you that string cheese and smores pop tarts don't have a place in a healthy food pyramid.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Snow Way

The school is in panic today because of the chance of snow in San Antonio this afternoon. (What? Snow in San Antonio? Snow way!)

The dental school is proudly open for business, as it usually is, regardless of rain or snow. (This decision was probably influenced by the fact that last Friday we had to close because a water main on campus broke overnight. Overcompensation, perhaps?) Every other school district in the area is closed, not because the weather is bad right now, but because the thought of afternoon snow trapping thousands of booger-nosed first graders at school indefinitely is terrifying to teachers and administrators alike.

It's really no matter to us if the school is open or closed, though, because none of our patients can be counted on to show when the weather is remotely bad. Here's a little dental school math for you--

0% chance of rain, sleet, or snow = 80% chance your patient will show up
10% chance of rain = 50% chance your patient will cancel last minute
50% chance of rain = 90% chance your patient will no show, but expect you to re-schedule them within 24 hrs
30% chance of snow = 99% chance all dental students will be attempting to do fillings on each other in an effort to generate some points for the day, and 0% chance of real patients showing up at all

Tomorrow we are scheduled to have a sealant day where the dental school will provide free sealants to area children through their schools. There is a 50% chance of snow tomorrow. That means there is a 15% chance that I will be snowed in at the dental school tomorrow with a crying, sealant-ed first grader in my dental chair.

Snow way out of it.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Have your cake and decorate it too

Some of my friends at school convinced me to sign up for a cake decorating class at Michael's. Not one to be swindled, I decided that I must get my full money's worth from this class. (That's $22.50, folks.)

So I baked and decorated a "before" cake. Viola!

This is a cake I sent to Jeffrey's work with him. (We're planning on getting him into a nice residency program using his intelligence, excellent bedside manner, and a little help from Betty Crocker.)

I thought the cake turned out pretty well, so I got greedy. I decided to try my hand at making an icing flower.

[Insert sad sounding trombone slide here]

Yeah, so the flower looks more like a big yellow blob. Don't worry, though, that's what the class is for.

But do let me know if anyone is in the market for a delicious cake decorated with delicate, beautiful blobs.