Saturday, January 14, 2012

Dial M for Moron

When we need new dental patients at school, we look through application forms that prospective patients fill out online.  Applicants can put either their phone number or email address on the form so we can contact them to schedule a screening exam. 

I went through several forms yesterday at school looking for new patients.  Some of them were automatically shoved into the "no" pile. (Seriously, if you want to be a patient at the school, why would you write "I am terrified of the dentist and have to be held down to get treatment"?)  Others I put into a "will call" pile. 

Most people, like myself, don't answer calls from unknown numbers, so I usually expect that I'll have to leave a message and then hear back later.  I left messages for about 10 patients yesterday afternoon, and got calls back from a few who made appointments.

Later that night, however, I got a strange call.

Me:  Hello?
Caller:  Hello.
Me:  Can I help you?
Caller:  Can I help you?  You called me.
Me:  (Suspecting this is a potential patient I had called) Oh, ok.  What's your name?
Caller:  (Indignant) What's your name?
Me:  (Now unsure if this is a potential patient I called or just a crazy person who dialed my number) I'm sorry...who is this?
Caller:  You call me!  What's your name?
Me:  (Laughing at the stupidity) Sir, I'm sorry, but I need to know you're name.
Caller:  (Angry) Why would I tell you my name?  You laugh at me!  What you try to do?  Sell me videos?
Me:  Ok, I think this must be a wrong number.  Bye bye.
Caller:  Yes, I think so. Bye.

Three minutes after I hung up the phone, I got a call from the same phone number.  I did not answer (fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me).  This was the message:

Caller:  Lauren?  Lauren...I'm sorry.  I'm sorry, Lauren.  Call me back.  I'll come see you at the dentist.

Number one, he still didn't tell me his name, so I don't know who he is (the number he called back on must have been different that the one he put on his form--believe me, I checked).  Number two, I don't have any appointments available for crazy patients.  I've already reached my quota on that one.

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