As a parent, one of my main goals in life is to set my children up for success--not to give it to them easily, but to provide them with the tools and skills necessary to find success on their own. How do I do that? Well...
I don't rightly know.
But I'm trying, and for now that means having lots of long conversations on the phone with my mom filed under the heading: What are you supposed to do when your child does (insert bad behavior here)?!?
The last time we talked, she said, "Just read. Read a lot of parenting books. Then maybe one day when you're at your wit's end, you'll remember one brilliant thing from a book to try."
Isn't she smart? Diligently, I followed her advice and am now halfway through my first book. So far I'm learning lots of interesting things that I can put into practice with Carter. And perhaps the best result of reading the book is the simple fact that I'm consciously thinking about my parenting on a daily basis rather than just moving by instinct or emotion.
One of the hardest recommendations in the book? No TV for kids under the age of 2. (Not even The Real Housewives of Orange County on in the background while he plays with trucks or eats his boogers.) Ouch. That really cramps my style.
Not as hard, but still in the top ten? Praise your child's efforts rather than their results. This one is tricky. Researchers found that children who were constantly told "You made an 'A' on that test! You're so smart. Great job!" were at risk of falling apart at the first sign of a challenge. On the other hand, children who were told "Wow, I know you worked on that for a long time. Great job finishing even though it was hard," were much more likely to rise to the occasion and succeed when difficult problems arose. This was especially true in math. Kids in the 'praised for results' group completed 50% fewer difficult problems than kids in the 'praised for effort' group.
What does this equate to in the parenting of a toddler? Well, at my house it looks like this:
Me: Carter, this is a yellow cup. Can you say cup?
Carter: Cup!
Me: You're so sm--(crap), umm...yes! Great! And what color is the cup?
C: (earnestly) Blue.
Me: No, but good try. What color is the cup?
C: BLUE!
Me: No. What color is the YELLOW cup?
C: (emphatically) Bluuuuuuuue.
Me: Proud of you for trying, buddy. Mommy needs to go read some more of her book now. Sit here and watch Real Housewives for a little bit.
I don't think I'm doing it right. Ha!
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Friday, April 25, 2014
We're getting there...
If I had to summarize my life in one short sentence, it would be: we're getting there.
It has been no secret that I haven't felt well during this pregnancy, even far into the second trimester (see previous post for proof) but it seems as though the twenty week mark has been the start of a gradual improvement in symptoms. Knock on wood. We're getting there.
The weeks going by have brought more relief in the form of a growing belly, even in the absence of a normal, non-regurgitated diet, and some reassurance that the baby is ok and growing normally. This also makes me feel better about saying, during the times I'm feeling nauseated, "when this boy comes out, he's getting a spanking for this." At least I know he'll have a little meat on his bones for his first punishment. Little by little, he's getting there.
Speaking of the new little guy, we finally arrived at a name for him: Harrison Jeffrey Edwards. It took a looooooooot of negotiating on both sides to pick a name that Jeffrey and I both like, but finally, we got there. No longer nameless, Harrison becomes more real to us with every tiny kick. I can't believe we will be parents to two boys in only a few months. Oh my, we're getting there quickly!
And then there's Carter. Don't get me wrong, I love that boy fiercely with my entire being, but daily now I see us slipping away from the carefree days of happy baby and ever onward toward the dreaded "terrible twos." Our little sweetness has developed a tiny temper and lots of opinions seemingly overnight. Yes, we're finally reaching the level of parenting I was afraid of. Level one parenting is simply keeping the baby alive--not scared of that. Level two parenting is, you know, actually parenting--teaching right from wrong, establishing boundaries, and other tantrum inducing activities. Ugh, we're getting there.
Some recent items that have resulted in major breakdowns in Carter's emotional state:
Waiting for waffles to toast in the oven
Not having a waffle for breakfast
Saying the word 'no' about anything at all
Picking him up
Putting him down
Needing some juice to drink
Shoes being on
Clearly, his life is horrible and deserving of tears multiple times per day. Ya. We're there.
It has been no secret that I haven't felt well during this pregnancy, even far into the second trimester (see previous post for proof) but it seems as though the twenty week mark has been the start of a gradual improvement in symptoms. Knock on wood. We're getting there.
The weeks going by have brought more relief in the form of a growing belly, even in the absence of a normal, non-regurgitated diet, and some reassurance that the baby is ok and growing normally. This also makes me feel better about saying, during the times I'm feeling nauseated, "when this boy comes out, he's getting a spanking for this." At least I know he'll have a little meat on his bones for his first punishment. Little by little, he's getting there.
Speaking of the new little guy, we finally arrived at a name for him: Harrison Jeffrey Edwards. It took a looooooooot of negotiating on both sides to pick a name that Jeffrey and I both like, but finally, we got there. No longer nameless, Harrison becomes more real to us with every tiny kick. I can't believe we will be parents to two boys in only a few months. Oh my, we're getting there quickly!
And then there's Carter. Don't get me wrong, I love that boy fiercely with my entire being, but daily now I see us slipping away from the carefree days of happy baby and ever onward toward the dreaded "terrible twos." Our little sweetness has developed a tiny temper and lots of opinions seemingly overnight. Yes, we're finally reaching the level of parenting I was afraid of. Level one parenting is simply keeping the baby alive--not scared of that. Level two parenting is, you know, actually parenting--teaching right from wrong, establishing boundaries, and other tantrum inducing activities. Ugh, we're getting there.
Some recent items that have resulted in major breakdowns in Carter's emotional state:
Waiting for waffles to toast in the oven
Not having a waffle for breakfast
Saying the word 'no' about anything at all
Picking him up
Putting him down
Needing some juice to drink
Shoes being on
Clearly, his life is horrible and deserving of tears multiple times per day. Ya. We're there.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Horsey says 'Nay'
Tomorrow I will be 16 weeks pregnant, well into my second trimester, a time period which has oft been referred to as the 'honeymoon' of pregnancy since you are past the nausea of the first trimester but not to the bloated, weight-laden third trimester yet.
Well, somebody forgot to send me the memo.
Quick disclaimer: it seems that a disproportionately large number of my friends are struggling with infertility issues right now, and yet here I am about to complain about my perfectly healthy second child who occasionally causes me to throw up. Please don't let my words sound like complaints to you, friends. I hope it sounds like a funny story that you can laugh at now and then remember later and laugh about again when you're going through it yourself . Moving on...
So this morning, like many other mornings during this pregnancy, I woke up feeling awful but managed to feed Carter breakfast and get him ready for preschool before attempting to get myself ready for work.
Just as I finished putting my hair back into a clip (the professional woman's ponytail, you know) I felt that feeling that sends you bowing before the porcelain throne. Carter must have felt it, too, because while I was still *ahem* busy he came over to check on me. How sweet, I thought, between violent dry heaves. But that thought was short-lived as I soon felt Carter's tiny hands on my back, following by his own guttural noises as he hoisted his whole body onto my back. He giggled since the sensation for him was much like when he and daddy play 'horsey.' I did not.
You really haven't thrown up until you've thrown up with a toddler on your back. This horsey says 'Nay."
Well, somebody forgot to send me the memo.
Quick disclaimer: it seems that a disproportionately large number of my friends are struggling with infertility issues right now, and yet here I am about to complain about my perfectly healthy second child who occasionally causes me to throw up. Please don't let my words sound like complaints to you, friends. I hope it sounds like a funny story that you can laugh at now and then remember later and laugh about again when you're going through it yourself . Moving on...
So this morning, like many other mornings during this pregnancy, I woke up feeling awful but managed to feed Carter breakfast and get him ready for preschool before attempting to get myself ready for work.
Just as I finished putting my hair back into a clip (the professional woman's ponytail, you know) I felt that feeling that sends you bowing before the porcelain throne. Carter must have felt it, too, because while I was still *ahem* busy he came over to check on me. How sweet, I thought, between violent dry heaves. But that thought was short-lived as I soon felt Carter's tiny hands on my back, following by his own guttural noises as he hoisted his whole body onto my back. He giggled since the sensation for him was much like when he and daddy play 'horsey.' I did not.
You really haven't thrown up until you've thrown up with a toddler on your back. This horsey says 'Nay."
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Cheek to cheek
Jeffrey left early this morning for his 21st day in a row of work. (Go ahead and wrap your mind around that one!). Before he left he brought Carter into the room with me and dumped him in the bed to 'snuggle mama.' Unfortunately our snuggle time consisted more of the usual toddler fare of head-butting me, licking me, crying to be let off the bed immediately followed by crying to be let on the bed, and a much too loud impromptu concert provided by my keyboard, which his chubby hands managed not only to turn on, but also to rock a loud Caribbean drum beat. Good morning, mommy!
As you probably guessed, within about 10 minutes I was desperately wishing my boy would go back to sleep, just for a few minutes, especially since today is a Sunday, the most schedule-ruining day for a toddler (and thus, the most likely to end in tantrums). So I pulled out my best trick (iPhone) and started letting Carter watch the short videos of himself on there. It worked like a charm. Except for one thing: apparently he decided that the optimal viewing angle would be to snuggle his face right on my face and fall asleep. Like so.
So now I can't go to sleep because I have to keep my chin elevated lest I want the drool that is on the verge of dropping out of his slack, sleeping mouth all over my face. But the baby is sleeping, and we are getting in a few snuggles, oddly placed as they may be.
And that is really all that matters.
As you probably guessed, within about 10 minutes I was desperately wishing my boy would go back to sleep, just for a few minutes, especially since today is a Sunday, the most schedule-ruining day for a toddler (and thus, the most likely to end in tantrums). So I pulled out my best trick (iPhone) and started letting Carter watch the short videos of himself on there. It worked like a charm. Except for one thing: apparently he decided that the optimal viewing angle would be to snuggle his face right on my face and fall asleep. Like so.
So now I can't go to sleep because I have to keep my chin elevated lest I want the drool that is on the verge of dropping out of his slack, sleeping mouth all over my face. But the baby is sleeping, and we are getting in a few snuggles, oddly placed as they may be.
And that is really all that matters.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Ketchup
Time for a little blog "ketchup" to recap what's been going on since I last wrote.
Speaking of ketchup--guess what Carter's favorite condiment is? You guessed it--red, staining, sticky-when-dried ketchup. But you know what? He also has developed a serious bout of pickiness, but if I give him some ketchup to dip his fish sticks/fingers/peanut butter sandwiches in, down the hatch it goes. So if you hear me at a restaurant ordering applesauce with a side of ketchup, well...avert your eyes, I guess. One man's condiment is another toddler's main dish.
Speaking of toddlers, we're going to have another one (in a few years, that is). I'm pregnant with another baby boy due in September. Sound familiar? Yes, I've said that exact thing before. It appears we are not very creative when it comes to baby-having. However, we are very excited about our next little September boy. He doesn't have a name yet, but we'll get to that as soon as I start spending less time dealing with morning sickness that lasts all day. That's been a full time job this time around!
Tomorrow I turn 28 years old. To celebrate, I'm going to go to work, haha. Honestly, though, I think this is going to be one of my happiest birthdays yet. I feel so blessed to have all that I do. I have a wonderful husband who works very hard every day but worked an extra shift to buy me a necklace from Tiffany this year. I have a sweet boy who calls me mama in a precious voice that melts my heart. I have another boy on the way who will undoubtedly steal my heart just like his big brother. I have a job that let's me practice what I love and still have ample time to dote on my boys. I have a solid church family who supports me weekly and any hard days in between. I have a God who gives me a deep peace and joy that cannot be unsettled by things of this world. I really think I might have it all, and I'm so grateful that I don't even mind getting a year closer to 30...
Almost. :)
Speaking of ketchup--guess what Carter's favorite condiment is? You guessed it--red, staining, sticky-when-dried ketchup. But you know what? He also has developed a serious bout of pickiness, but if I give him some ketchup to dip his fish sticks/fingers/peanut butter sandwiches in, down the hatch it goes. So if you hear me at a restaurant ordering applesauce with a side of ketchup, well...avert your eyes, I guess. One man's condiment is another toddler's main dish.
Speaking of toddlers, we're going to have another one (in a few years, that is). I'm pregnant with another baby boy due in September. Sound familiar? Yes, I've said that exact thing before. It appears we are not very creative when it comes to baby-having. However, we are very excited about our next little September boy. He doesn't have a name yet, but we'll get to that as soon as I start spending less time dealing with morning sickness that lasts all day. That's been a full time job this time around!
Tomorrow I turn 28 years old. To celebrate, I'm going to go to work, haha. Honestly, though, I think this is going to be one of my happiest birthdays yet. I feel so blessed to have all that I do. I have a wonderful husband who works very hard every day but worked an extra shift to buy me a necklace from Tiffany this year. I have a sweet boy who calls me mama in a precious voice that melts my heart. I have another boy on the way who will undoubtedly steal my heart just like his big brother. I have a job that let's me practice what I love and still have ample time to dote on my boys. I have a solid church family who supports me weekly and any hard days in between. I have a God who gives me a deep peace and joy that cannot be unsettled by things of this world. I really think I might have it all, and I'm so grateful that I don't even mind getting a year closer to 30...
Almost. :)
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